


Stripped

by Elemtee



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Doctor Lily, F/M, Firefighter Remus, James is a stripper, Stripper James, Tiny bit of non graphic Wolfstar sex, Who can't dance, and cocks things up trying to impress Lily, implied sex, pure fluffy ridiculousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-06 21:03:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15894105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elemtee/pseuds/Elemtee
Summary: James decides to become a stripper, having decided it would be a great way to meet girls.  Theres just one minor flaw in his plan - he can't actually dance...





	Stripped

**Author's Note:**

  * For [YouBlitheringIdiot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/YouBlitheringIdiot/gifts).



> All thanks to the wonderful Youblitheringidiot for supporting my ridiculousness, and to my insane neighbours who are obsessed with the song 'Pony" and play it on repeat (their record is 27 in a row) for inspiring the idea of Stripper James

“What the fuck Prongs? Sirius yelled as James threw the closed door open with a bang and let himself into the bedroom

 

“Yeah yeah, you two are banging like rabbits and Moony’s arse is on display.  Nothing I haven’t seen before - I was the one to come up with the nickname remember?  Anyway, this is actually important, unlike your sex life” James replied flippantly as he began rifling through the wardrobe.

 

“What do you want James?” Remus asked, not even attempting to hide the exasperation in his voice

 

“Need to borrow your work uniform mate, I have a gig tonight”

 

At this announcement Remus stopped his movements, pulled out and turned to face James, pulling a blanket up to cover himself and Sirius as he spoke “Gig?  What do you mean gig? And why would a gig require my  _ fireman  _ uniform?”

 

“Stripping remember?  At the pub last week, we ran into that twat Caradoc who kept banging on about how many fit women he meets now that he’s stripping, and then he ended up taking Emmaline home, even though she was my date, and then -” James was cut off as Sirius interrupted him

 

“And then you sulked for the next 3 hours and I told you to just become a bloody stripper to get the girls for yourself if you were that worked up about it?  Yeah, we remember”

 

“I didn’t sulk” James shot back as he again began searching for the uniform “But yes, I did decide to give it a crack.  If Twatty McTwatface Dearborn can do it it’s not like it will be hard. Besides, I’m fit. This plan can’t fail, and the ladies will be fawning all over me.  Now, back to the uniform. McKinnon is throwing a hens party for a mate of hers, and she saw my new Insta profile and the stripper she had booked had a car accident last night and had to cancel, so she booked me.  It’s tonight, and apparently the bride has a thing for firefighters. So I need your clothes, because I don’t have time to hit the costume shop before they shut in 15 minutes”

 

Remus considered his options for a few seconds “I’ll let you borrow it on 3 conditions.  One, you tell  _ no one _ where it came from.  I’m not getting sacked for your sorry arse.  Two, you return it clean and in the exact condition it is in now.  And three, you get the fuck out of here so we can finish what you so rudely interrupted.  Deal?” James nodded his agreement “Good, it’s in the laundry. Now piss off” 

 

“I’ve messaged Marls to ask for pictures and video.  I wonder when the idiot will remember he can’t actually dance?  This is going to be hilarious” Sirius said to Remus, peppering kisses across his neck and collarbones as James bounded from the room in search of the requested clothing “Now, can you please go back and finish.  I’m dying over here” 

 

********************************

 

Several hours later James walked into Marlene’s backyard to a chorus of cheers and wolf whistles, Remus’s slightly too big uniform hanging from his body in what he thought was a very sexy way, and his most sultry smile on his face.  As he nodded to Marlene to start his chosen track - Ginuwine’s Pony, chosen purely because of how many of his female acquaintances gushed over Channing Tatum in that stupid Magic Mike movie - and then he spotted her. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life, all green eyes and red hair and legs for days and the most dazzling laugh he had ever heard in his life.  He momentarily forgot to breathe. Nothing else in the world mattered at that moment that getting to know her. Getting close to her. Having her laugh at him every minute of every day for the rest of his life. It only took a microsecond for him to decide he was going to use this routine to get her to fall in love with him. 

 

The music started, and James began to move his hips in the hastily thrown together choreographed routine he had come up with in his sitting room only 2 hours earlier.   _ Left hip thrust, right hip thrust, pelvic roll, forward step, forward step, shoulder roll the jacket back a few inches, fingers in the braces and pull, pelvic roll whilst stepping forward, falling, holy shit, this isn’t part of the routine, land face first on the cement patio, bleed profusely from the nose, silence.   _

 

Somewhere in the back of his mind James heard Marlene shriek his name, and the music end abruptly.  He felt hands rolling him onto his back, and heard someone calling his name, asking if he could hear them.  Groaning, he opened his eyes and pushed himself into a sitting position, trying to ignore the pounding in his head.  

 

“James, is it?  I’m Lily, and I’m a Doctor.  I’m just going to take a look at your face ok?”  A voice spoke as an indescribably soft hand gripped his chin and turned his head to the left, until he found himself looking directly into the face of the beautiful red head he had been trying to impress who was now crouched by his side.  _ Beautiful and smart _ he thought to himself as she gently prodded at his face _ He was royally screwed. _  Lily stood up and extended her hands and pulled him to his feet  “I don’t think you’ve done any major damage, but I need to clean you up a little before I can be sure.  Do you think you’ll be ok to walk?” she asked him. He nodded, yes he could walk, and she slid her arm around his waist to support his weight and steered him in the direction of the downstairs bathroom.

 

“This is a first” Lily said, as she dug around in the cupboard for the first aid kit “Congratulations on being the first stripper I’ve ever dragged into a bathroom.  How are you feeling? Any pain?”

 

“I’m your first hey?” James asked as he flashed her his best flirty grin “Happy to pop your cherry”

 

“Down boy” Lily scolded, as she ran a saline soaked wipe over his face to remove the blood, pressing slightly harder than necessary in an attempt to remind him who was in charge here.

“Sorry” he apologised sheepishly, and then hissed through his teeth as Lily began dabbing at his nose with iodine “I have a wicked headache, and my nose hurts like shit, but other than that it's just my wounded pride”

 

“The nose and headache I can fix.  The pride we might have to work on”

 

“You know, it would really help heal my pride if you let me take you out for dinner, considering it was your fault I fell on my face in the first place” 

 

“Oh really.  And how exactly was your clumsiness my fault?”

 

“You’re really, really hot ok.  I saw you standing there being all gorgeous, and my brain stopped working, and as I learnt tonight, you kind of need to keep full control on all your faculties if you are trying to dance and take your clothes off sexily at the same time”

 

Lily quirked an eyebrow as she applied steri strips to a shallow gash on the bridge of his nose, but was interrupted by the appearance of Marlene in that bathroom before she could respond.

 

“Jesus Fuck Potter.  Only you could screw up your first ever gig that spectacularly.  Pretty sure Sirius and Remus will be laughing well into next century” Marlene said from where she was leaning against the door frame.

 

James spun towards her at the mention of his best mates “What do you mean they will be laughing?  What did you do McKinnon?”

 

“Sent them the video of course.  Dorcas has been sending them the pictures too.  You’ll be viral by breakfast tomorrow morning”

 

“Run McKinnon.  Far and fast, because the second the good Dr here lets me up it is on like Donkey Kong” James said, although his voice was laced with amusement. 

 

“Bring it Potter” 

 

As Marlene left the room Lily took hold of his face in her hands and once more pulled him around to face her.  James gulped as he realised how close their faces now were. Neither of them spoke for a minute, and then Lily let go one of her loud dazzling laughs.  

 

“You fell 7 seconds in to your first ever stripping gig?  I know I shouldn’t laugh, but that is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.  As your Doctor, can I recommend retirement?”

 

“Retirement is a definite.  And for the record, me becoming a stripper, booking a gig and then remembering I can’t actually dance before almost dying in front of the most beautiful woman in the world isn’t even top 10 most embarrassing James Potter moments.  My Mum keeps a scrapbook you know. If you wanted to come over one night - say for dinner tomorrow night - I am sure I can get her to send it over for you”

 

Lily leant forward, her lips mere inches from his “I am an excellent Dr, it would be very remiss of me if I didn’t follow up with my patient wouldn’t it” she breathed before pressing her lips against his.  “Pick me up at 6, and don’t forget that scrapbook”

  
  
  



End file.
